The 12 steps to change

The 12 steps to change2019-04-16T16:42:13+02:00

What is it?

Francois De Kock

A few decades of support for your personal development led me to specializing in life changes.

I have identified a dozen steps and essential topics to focus on when we approach a new life. I know these steps through and through – and I can help you to cross them all. If you really want it.

1 – Awareness

1 – Awareness

Something puts you on the edge : an intuition, a dismissal, a failure, an unexpected success, a sentimental disappointment, a burnout, an accident, a comment from a friend, a soul call, the loss of a job, a revelation, a repetitive pattern, even a vague feeling of dissatisfaction. This special moment, or feeling, gives you a very clear – or less clear – message that « it can not continue like this », that « there’s a mourning to be done », or that « I hear a called towards something else ».

My help is to open your consciousness on what’s happening. To put words on the situation. To understand deeper issues, a broader context than the first indications. The piece of iceberg that exceeds the surface of the water makes only 10% of the whole. So does this special moment in time : With my help, you will understand how much this “little voice” inside represents in fact a very strong wake up call.

I’m starting now!

2 – The goal / The starting point

2 – The goal / The starting point

After the awareness comes the intention. Will you listen to this little (great) voice inside ? Some choose to ignore it. If you choose to listen to it, there are further choices to be made. Nobody will make them for you. And to begin with : What will be your first step ? What will be your initial goal ? What would you like to understand, heal, start or let go? The first step is the most important of all, because it is the one that starts your new life.

My help here is above all to encourage you. To help you overcome your doubts (“what’s the point”), your ignorance (“I don’t know how to do it”), your objections (“this will disturb others”), your fears (“I have my children to feed”), and so on. To help you believe in yourself, your abilities, your potential, your intuition, your feelings, your desire, your soul.

And then, to help you define your first steps.

I’m starting now!

3 – The state of play

3 – The state of play

Before hiring tradespeople, an architect hired to renovate a house will start with a careful inventory. If he does not, his works will be anything but consistent. The same goes for our lives and our projects. Too many of my clients in my past, eager to move forward, did not pay any attention to the “here and now”. Before considering a change, we must start to study our present in the face, and in particular to become aware of what is hidden in our shadows. Once comprehended, we must accept our present as it is. This is the only way to be objective about it. It’s a must. This is the only way to be objective about it. It’s a must.

On this point, I will be your Sherlock Holmes, the one who investigates with you what are the components of your life right now, the one that will reveal your light as much as it will scratch under the surface. If you want to know what is crawling under the surface, do not question the eagle in the sky. Go to the mole and follow its tunnels.

I’m starting now!

4 – Discovering your potential

4 – Discovering your potential

You probably all know the phrase “I do not recognize myself”. This expression comes up when we discover new aspects of ourselves. If we live the wrong life, it is because we are covering up important aspects of our personality, of our history. The best guarantee to take the place and direction that suits you is to get to know you, it is to accept your specific qualities. Your qualities as well as your defaults, because a default is a quality that has not been recognized yet.

My help with my exacerbated awareness of who you are and a range of highly effective tools – the study of your birth being one of them. You will discover that you are a genuine treasure cave, and you will not recognize you anymore. Lol.

I’m starting now!

5 – Resistance to change

5 – Resistance to change

Tell me what you resist to, and I’ll tell you who you are. The more your « authentic self » appears, the more you fight it. It’s crazy, huh. Your resistance increases as you unfold to yourself and/or to the world. For every force that draws you forward, a similar force pulls you back. If we did not give a lot of attention to your resistance during your work, they would win their battle. And you would resign to what is offered to you, perhaps for the rest of your life.

What I can bring you at this stage is an intelligent management of your resistances. To teach you that there are intelligent resistances (*) and counterproductive resistances. That the existence of a resistance is proof that you are advancing. Resistance can keep you from running straight into a wall. I will tell you how resistance can be, paradoxically, a lever of change.

(*) : Have you already heard the French song “Résiste” written by Michel Berger and interpreted by France Gall ? Check it out.

I’m starting now!

6 – The shadow and the light, the good and the bad

6 – The shadow and the light, the good and the bad

Here you’ll find both the greatest strength and the greatest originality of my coaching work. I invite you to accept all “what is”. Which does not mean to “endure anything and everything”, no. It means to accept that what is, is. Without judgment, without interpretation, without rejection.

It is what we call : the least traveled way. Observe the world, both the people around you and the biggest geopolitical issues in the world : the “good” is everything I am, everything I think, everything I do, everything I want, all that I believe in, all that I promulgate and all that I support. The “evil” is the opposite of all that. This paradigm of good and evil is the basis of what separates us one from the other, both externally and internally.
I will teach you to discover hidden nuggets in the center of your taboos. It is at this stage that our collaboration will become closer, or that our ways will separate. Once you have integrated the acceptance of “what is”, you will become… irresistible.
I’m starting now!

7 – Paradigm shift

7 – Paradigm shift

A paradigm is like a scenario in which we play, and in which everything stands as a coherent whole. Our beliefs, our ideas, our emotions, our conditioning, our communication, our judgments, our reactions, our ideals : every single element serves to confirm and reinforce the other elements. When we “change lives”, we “swap paradigms”. It gradually becomes impossible to see things as we saw them before, to make the same choices, to react in the same way. To change your life, you have to be able to question everything you thought, everything you believed in, everything you were attached to. This does not mean that you have to « give up everything », just « question everything ».

In this step, an outside look is more than indispensable. That’s where I come in : I have the hindsight gained by years of practice. The driver whose nose lay deep in his steering wheel does not see what the coach sees. It is in this stage that my vocation as a guide appears the most.

I’m starting now!

8 – The reaction of our environment

8 – The reaction of our environment

This step is often one of the most delicate ones : to stop fearing “what they will say”…

Mom and Dad say : “That’s not how we raised you”. They might say it for real, or maybe they just say it in your head. Your partner blames you because “you’re not the person I married anymore”. Your friends pull a sad face because they don’t like your new way of living. If you listened to everyone, you would stagnate for years. You can’t become a new person while listening to old arguments.

I will help you to believe in yourself, and encourage you to associate with people who are more like the person you are becoming. Not only people : this goes also for places to live and work, things to hang on to, and so on. Together, we look at your environment with a magnifying glass and clarify why you are clinging to this and why you are preparing to let go of it.

I’m starting now!

9 – Be concrete

9 – Be concrete

Once the inner alchemy has progressed well, the time has come to take your new place in the world. The “coming out” is the moment of the manifestation in the world of your new direction, whatever the fields. This is the moment when the butterfly steps out of its cocoon. It is during a move (or even an exile), a new intimate and emotional orientation, a new career orientation, a new social or family commitment, a new way of communication, that we observe in what measure the « inner work » has generated good foundations in your being, in your new life.

At this stage, I help you to move on from “the idea” to “the act”. Topics to be discussed vary greatly from one person or situation to another. t can also be about blocking emotions, logistical or financial problems, ignorance or lack of imagination (not knowing how to go about it), underestimates of its capabilities, need for collaboration. The field is vast, and each situation requires a personalized study.
I’m starting now!

10 – Learning / Construction

10 – Learning / Construction

By entering into your new life, you discover new needs, situations, problems that we could not predict in advance. At this stage, the learnings of your new being and the construction of your new life are no longer one and the same.

My accompaniment in this step is, above all, to listen to you, and then to advise you on the options to choose. And at this point, the better we know each other, the more we trust each other, the better we communicate, the clearer and faster the solutions come.
I’m starting now!

11 – The development

11 – The development

Your new life is on its tracks, you have accepted your new reality, you have frankly accepted both “your mission” and “who you are”. You now know what you want, and the change is already very concrete. You now need to develop, consolidate and improve this new life, to dig deeper to reveal its greatest potential. Many people who have changed course still think too small. At this point in time, you meet your ambition… or its absence.

I will put you in touch with everything that transcends you, in order to understand the scope of your mission. You will have to establish a link with the larger context in which your mission occurs.

I’m starting now!

12 – Autonomy

12 – Autonomy

Like the newly born baby, it is normal to experience a form of addiction to the guides, teachers or mentors who accompany you on a path they know better than you. But it is also normal, one day, to spread your wings and fly on your own. This is called cutting the umbilical cord.

There are two traps awaiting you at this stage: (1) a reckless impatience, a rebellion by which you cut off the cord prematurely, and (2) a lack of confidence in you, which would unnecessarily prolong a dependence henceforth counter-indicated.

My lifelong experience of accompaniment helps me to make that « final » evaluation with you. The conclusion must be made in mutual agreement, as this is the best guarantee of success for your future.

I’m starting now!

Whatever the gateway to YOUR change is, I wish you a warm welcome.

François De Kock

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WE HAVE NEWS TO SHARE

The newsletters of Phoenix23 are available in 3 different languages
Phoenix23 is a dynamic and innovative company.
Its newsletter shares all of its developments with you.
Informs you of all its projects, offers and promotions.
And makes you think.

Thank you for your registration.

An error occured